Family Issues?

Its hard for me to write about just one thing because i get off topic so easy. I hate my mom. I remeber when I was little and I used to tell her I'd never hate her, and I'd never say it. I lied. I sometimes do feel like my moms the wost person in the world. Shes constently yelling. all the time. Even when its unessary. I dont feel like it could be just my fault. Im not the only one not doing something. I dont want to talk to them. I dont want them to be in everythign I do. Yeah there my parents but I dont need her critisism in everything I do. I wish she wouldnt try to tell me 'You should know a person well before you start dating them' Cause it doesnt work that way anymore. Sometimes it does, but not always. When you like someone you like them oh well. I hate it when she buts into what im doing. And I really hate it when she tells me no. I cant stand it when she tells me i have to do something I dont want to and yeah I give back talk but so does every other teenager in the world. She probably did too. Every kid always says 'Im not going to treat my child like that when I grow up' well they lied. just like I did when I said I wouldnt ever say i hate my mom. She complains about me being on the phone all night. Im only on it till 10:30. And the only reason I can talk to him in substitue of her is because he listens and doesnt tell me what I should be doing. He doesnt yell at me. He talks! She screams! I wonder about the shit that happens in my house. Why does it always have to me about me or money or something like that. Sometimes I wish I didnt lie to my dad when I told him those 'sucide' notes wherent real. Well I didnt technaly lie, they wherent sucide notes they where run away notes! I dont want to do this anymore. I dont want to fight with them all the time. Its not worth it. If every person in the world yelled at each other nothing would ever get done. I cant talk to my mom because she trys to phycoanilize me. and shes not even a phycologest! Thats suppost to me by job!!!! She wonders why we dont like it when she does stuff and its because she hurts herself. I try to be nice to her. I wish I could do it more offten but I cant. Im not a nice person. I like being mean. It makes me happy. I have friends who are like me. Who like to be who they are no matter what anyone has to say. Yeah my parents made me who I am today but you cant mix so many of the samethings together and think it will work. I wish I could live with my grandma sometimes. See if I can make friends in arizona insted of here. I still would be a race different they everyone but who cares. Im not like my cousins im not going to go out there and be a whore! Im not a whore now, what makes anyone think i could or would be there!!!?? See im completely off topic again, duh. What makes me the most mad is that she bitchs about all this shit I do but I dont think she's grounded me in the last 5 or 4 months. Since I got arrested thats one month since then nothing. Nothing at all. I used to have a great relationship with my mom. It was great everything I could tell her and now its just like she fell out of being understanding or something. Im not sure. I wish I had a counsler. A phycologest. I think its would great to talk to someone else who can talk to me. Whos not there to yell at me. Someone who can help me with my family. My little sister is someone who is hurt easy, she such a happy person and she's rarely torn down. She loves the way she thinks and I dont even think stuff like this bothers her. She worrys like everyone does and shes addicted to my mom yeah but shes getting there. Shes getting ready to be her own person who doesnt care about what people think about her. Shes going to be great. I feel like shes what my mom wants me to be. A loving careing person who would do anything to make people happy. She loves people she loves everything. Thats what my mom wants. My parents fight, alot. My dad likes to over react and theres nothing anyone can do about that is there? I hate sitting with them because they like to get into small arguments and they didnt used to do it. It all started like this when my aunt moved in a caused a ripple in what used to be good. She makes me mad at her. I hated her before because shes stupid. But I hate her more now because she caused all this stuff to go wrong in my house. Stuff used to be really good and I used to like it but now I cant stand it. I cant stand the things we say to each other. But for some reason they all the wrong things flow out of my mouth when I get mad. I normaly keep how I really think about things to myself because there mean to say and I dont want to say things to hurt people. But when Im really mad at them I just say everything as it comes to mind. And then afterward I still dont care what i said I feel like its better they know now then for them to find out stuff later. It would hurt more then. What if I turned 18 and they found out how they bugged me when I was 15. That would make anyone feel bad. Money sucks, my dads job is shit. It used to be fantastic, ha still is. But The trains in on his line suck. They dont go out as offten as they used to. I wish I could get a job of my own already. Then I could make my own money and possably help. Pay for my own stuff. Then they would have one less person to worry about all the time. It would save them the hassle of having to spend money on me all the time. I wish christmas was never made. It's just a day for people to spend alot of money on people and give gifts. Just pass around i love you cards that should be enought, right? Apperently not. I dont want anything for christmas and they know that. Althought they still insist on getting me some expencive gift that I dont need. Who needs an ipod? A camea? A keyboard? A tv? No one. Its just a want. Something a human can use for pure pleasure. No one needs that. Why couldnt life be kept simple. Were all going to die anyways. And eventualy some catastrphy will come of the world and we'll all die. Whats the point of making things 'better' if there going to get worse eventualy too? No one can decide on one thing in my house. They always have to be diverse so much that they cant choose. What do you want for dinner? Dad-food Stephanie-Spagetti Heather-I dont care Mom-Fine starve. What kind of answers is that? What happened to the mom making whatever she wants and everyone living with it and getting over it and just eating cause if you dont you will starve and your body will eat you from the inside out? Think about it dummy. Just fucking eat whats made and get over it. Live is just a huge circle of death and love. Love causes death and death causes sorrow! Get over it all.